New Year, More Questions

It’s a strange concept how the change of a single digit on the calendar can be so impactful to society. 2016 may have been fucked up in many ways, but how can we be so sure that changing our calendars and writing a new number at the top of our paper will actually make a difference? More than anything, I think the coming of a new year is a form of motivation. It’s also an excuse. We can push things off until 2017 because we want to start them in the New Year. These things we anticipate next year include our diets, projects for work, searching for jobs, quitting bad habits, working on ourselves, etc. When the New Year comes will we follow through, or will we blame our lack of commitment on Trump, a busy schedule, or maybe a mean boss?

At the start of 2016, I told myself that this year would be about me, and for the most part, it has been. I worked extremely hard in school and at work. I made time for friends, and I made time for fun. I spent this year building a lot of incredible relationships with others, many of which I believe will last a lifetime. I had a daily commute to Downtown Oakland, skid down a mountain in Whistler, ate pierogies and poutine in Pemberton, and danced to Lionel Richie in Golden Gate Park.

The first half of 2017 will be buried under cover letters, job applications, the weekend shifts I probably shouldn’t have agreed to, and an unnecessary amount of essays I’ll be required to write. The second half of the year is what I’m really looking forward to. In an ideal world, the job offers will be rolling in, and I’ll get to choose between New York, San Francisco, Seattle, or Portland. I know I’m dreaming big, but I also know I can make at least some of that happen.

Since 2016 began, I knew I wanted to be careful with my emotions because I didn’t want to let anyone influence where I end up next year. In my previous relationship, I let my emotions cloud my vision and distort my goals and ambitions, and I blame myself for that. Even now, with each new person I meet, I catch myself letting them sway me one way or another. My friends in New York help me glamourize a life in the city, my big in Portland shows me how easy it is to love the Pacific Northwest, and a few special people give me reasons to keep coming back to the Bay Area. I’m excited to let the offers do the talking, but I know I will have bias in my heart, and no matter what I choose, I will have to let go of something I’ve been holding onto.

I don’t know where 2017 will take me. As someone who always has a plan, it’s not easy. I’m feeling more scattered than ever in terms of both my future possibilities and the emotions I try not to have. I know that on January 1st, I will feel no different than I did on December 31st, but by this time next year-who knows who I will be?

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